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| Self Portrait: Stylized Beyond Details Dec 2010 |
Yes, I am waiting for my divorce to be final before I start another relationship. I would say 80% of my motivation or reason is pure selfishness and spite on my behalf.
First, it makes me feel holier-than-thou to be able to throw it in his face that I was faithful while he's already shacking up with his girlfriend. I love the idea of his family and friends knowing that he's leaving me and the kids for his lover (since I have none). To tell the truth, I've been unfaithful before while we were married, so I know it's very vindictive and hypocritical of myself. How can I expect faithfulness when I myself was not?
Second, I use it as a crutch to deflect myself from dating. What a great line to tell men that I cannot date since I'm still married. I've never stood up for myself much anyway, so this way I don't have to be assertive. All it really does is succeed in making it worse since it leaves them hanging. It's dishonest because they have a false idea that I'm interested so they build up their daydreams. Worse, the clock is ticking and it's just a matter of time when I won't be able to use that excuse anymore.
First, it makes me feel holier-than-thou to be able to throw it in his face that I was faithful while he's already shacking up with his girlfriend. I love the idea of his family and friends knowing that he's leaving me and the kids for his lover (since I have none). To tell the truth, I've been unfaithful before while we were married, so I know it's very vindictive and hypocritical of myself. How can I expect faithfulness when I myself was not?
Second, I use it as a crutch to deflect myself from dating. What a great line to tell men that I cannot date since I'm still married. I've never stood up for myself much anyway, so this way I don't have to be assertive. All it really does is succeed in making it worse since it leaves them hanging. It's dishonest because they have a false idea that I'm interested so they build up their daydreams. Worse, the clock is ticking and it's just a matter of time when I won't be able to use that excuse anymore.
The other 20% which represents the rest of my motivation to wait for my divorce to be final before I start another relationship is self protection. I do not consider this to be a bad thing though. I'm very hurt: my husband was supposed to stay & grow old with me; through thick and thin; etc). I'm very scared: I've have no means to support myself - by mutual agreement, I was to give everything (forgo career, income, time) to raise our special need child & his typically developing sibling. I'm very stressed out: I've got to juggle school now, parent the kids, pay the bills, etc. I'm very vulnerable: I've haven't dated for 20 years now; I'm fragile emotionally (kindness from strangers brings me to tears); I've been knocked down so I'm finding it hard to stand up.
7 comments:
Thanks for the wonderful words on my blog, made me smile! Stay strong... can only get better :) x
Thanks Stacy!
Is this your picture or just some one.
Is this you in picture ??
I love the honesty. I think most people are "unfaithful" in some capacity or another. Nobody is perfect, and the ones that make great efforts to appear perfect, are usually the ones to watch out for. If anyone thats been in a long relationship, or marriage exclaims a "blemish free" experience, or use their marriage as a soap box, good chance they are either struggling, or delusional lol. Being honest, and open is much more admirable then pretending. So many couples lie, or put on the "morality" act, instead of just being honest with one another. How many people do we see online, that are either flirting, or "shopping for a better deal", yet bolstering how great their marriage is?. There is something very superficial, condescending, and comical about modern marriage. The pretending/jokes start right around the time the bride puts on a white dress, or the guy makes a bumbling oath to lust no other lol.
It's great that you can be open about your experience. It shows you own it, and have learned from it. I find that much more impressive, and honest then someone who puts on a show. Great post :)
Comment to ThePearl: All of my self portraits are of myself. To be clear, this is a picture of myself.
Thanks for asking! I'm sure others have the same curiosity.
Great comment WTFJay! I appreciate the time you took to express your thoughts. Thanks for all the encouragement.
I would like to see modern marriage get updated from its antiquated vows and constructions.
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